I Believe we all fall down Sometimes
by ILovedADemon
Summary: Lovino Vargas, A self harmer, a drug addict, and alcoholic High School student. Bullied constantly, everyday it seems. "Why is it I'm always the one whose falling down?" "We all Fall down Sometimes, Lovino." "Yeah, but never like this." "Exactly LIKE this Lovino." Work in progress apologize for the rush in the beginning! There will be a few Spamano moments 3
1. Chapter 1

6:30 AM reads the clock... 2 hours until school. The place you hate more than yourself.

Reaching under your mattress for the lighter and in your pillow case for a cigarette before you get up. Of course you know your parents aren't home. They never are.

You stare at yourself in the mirror in a disgust. Your eyes are red and puffy from the night before.  
Your wrist starts to burn again so you throw a long sleeve on, skinny jeans, shoes and chug of the last half of your beer.  
Maybe today can be different you tell yourself solemnly. Maybe.

Your little brother is already in the kitchen eating and smiling at his phone. Texting that German guy he's been seeing. You hide a grin. He's always looked so cute and happy. You wish you could be too.

"Lovi~" Feliciano says,"Finally your awake. Did you sleep okay?"  
"s-sure s-slept fine" you realise you are slurring a little and shake it off with a yawn. Even though you're not tired.  
"eh-lovi I'll drive to school today! I need to get my liscense soon anyway!"  
"Feli, I'm not an adult yet you can't dive It's fine Im okay."  
Feliciano makes that pouting face you know you can't ignore...  
"FINE!"  
"Fey~~~"  
-

(After one hell of a ride you made it to school and what happen as soon as you walk through the mother fucking door?)

"Hey Scum! Think fast!" A white-haired German-douche-bag grabs your brown tinted hair and slams your head into the locker, kneeing you in the rib. "Didn't I say to stop living?" He's Feliciano's "Boyfriend's older brother, "Hurry up already it's agonizing to have to continue watching you breathe. Wasting air. Please. If I ever see your pussy-ass-italian-fuckface ever again. I think I might have to kill you myself."  
You clench your fists and try to move past him. He grabs your waste and strattles your hips slowly grinding you into the locker leaving a mark on your neck.  
"Ha-Ha! You fucking faggot! You actually enjoyed it AHAHA!"  
You look down to see you have an aching erection and your face starts to turn red as tears start to form.  
SHIT! YOU MOTH-

A punch in the stomach, a head-butt. And two other guys are dragging you into a boys bathroom flushing your head in a toilet after the white haired man pissed in your face and in the water.  
School. It's just fucking wonderful.

"Lovino Vargas! You are late to my class! AGAIN?!"  
"Eh- S-Sorry "  
"No, that's been every single GOD DAMNED day for the past month. I'm already 30 minutes into a lesson and you want to show up whenever?"  
"I-" "DETENTION, do I need to spell it out?"  
"N-"  
"Sit down Lovino, and will you please not come in soaking wet to my class? It's distracting. So is that cologne a little goes a long way. You just smell like piss."  
"Yes, sir..."

Or maybe this Day WOULDN'T be any different... -


	2. Chapter 2

Please listen to this song for this chapter (no really stop reading and go on youtube and listen to it PLEASE: Get Out Alive (3DaysGrace) but ignore the SHE parts. This was the inspiration for this chapter. To me anyway. Hope you enjoy. 3 Also trigger warning. ((When I wrote this chapter with a good friend of mine who diesn't want to be named for this particular story, we severly rushed it due to time issues. I am planning on going back LATER and fixing anything I don't really like. Anyway putting that aside WE hope you enjoy!))

-  
Slamming the door shut to the bathroom stall Lovino pulled his book bag around and grabbed his cigarette. The lighter fluid was out and he forgot his Jack Daniels in his bedroom. Lovino tried and tried with the lighter until he started growing angry and angrier. He slammed the lighter on the ground and screamed, kicking the toilet and punching walls.  
"FUCK ALL OF YOU MOTHER-FUCKING ASSHOLES! BURN IN HELL! SCUM! FUCKING USELESS PIECES OF SHIT! GOD DAMN YOU TOO!" Sinking into the corner of the stall Lovino cried.  
He starred at his bag for what seemed hours. His eyes were puffy the tears had faded. He only had that hollow feeling in his mind. He reached for the front pocket where a razor blade was. Rolling up his sleeve he made the first cut. Followed by more and more until blood was dripping onto the ground. There wasn't any pain, no stinging. Normally there wasn't until the next day.  
Lovino glanced at the plain coloured walls.

"What a shame. Such a dull colour." Still in a daze Lovino smeared his hands and arm against the walls until the walls had his blood smudges all over them. One walls only said the words "SCUM".

"I think I'm just going to ditch the rest of the day." He grinned for a short second before bursting into tears again. From laughing and the fact he felt so worthless, used, and he was gay. Lovino Vargas IS a Homosexual. He knew this. He didn't want to know it. But the only person who brought that out was the German. Gilbert.  
He was in love with Gilbert, no matter how much Gilbert abused him mentally and physically. Lovino COULDN'T move past it. Whenever Gilbert would try and make a move on him or lead him on as a joke. He fell for it.

He once remembered when he was dragged by Francis to Gilbert's house. Gilbert was 'crying' and 'apologizing' over and over. He told Lovino he wanted him so badly and that the only way for everyone to accept him was to get drunk with them. Lovino did. He was brought up stairs by Gilbert whispering seductively into his ear sweet nothings, stroking his arm, sliding his hand down to his lower back, soft kisses on his neck. Swooning Lovinio. Once upstairs he remembered Gilbert slamming him down on the bed, yelling at him to take off all of his close so he could 'take a good look at him'.  
Lovino did.

Gilbert immediately punched him in the face and kicked him in the ribs. Four guys ran out from hiding under and behind things. They were random guys Lovino never knew.  
They choked him, raped him, and sent pictures of his body to every person in the school not even five minutes later they had been leaked onto the internet, etc.  
Since then it's been worse than it had ever been. He didn't know why, and didn't CARE why.

He loved Gilbert. He enjoyed the pain Gilbert caused.  
He hated it, he dreaded going to school, but he didn't.

He couldn't explain it. He didn't want to. He just wanted Gilbert or...something.

Lovino rinsed his arm off in the sink making sure no one was in there with him and grabbed his bag. Rolling down his sleeve and disposing of the blade Lovino went home alone.

"Fey~ Lovi..."  
"FELICIANO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! AND YOU?! OUT NOW!"  
"L-Lovi! I uh! LOVI DON'T HIT HIM! LOVI!"  
"Damnit! No you can't skip school and bring random guys *punch to the blonde German who dodged* GET OUT YOU CREEP!"

He knew that Feliciano had been seeing this guy for a few weeks, but he didn't expect to see his brother bent over a damn couch with some muscled blonde over him. NAKED.

"Damnit FELI! PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON! YOU TOO!" The German...shit..what's his name? Didn't say anything he was only red in the face. He gave Feli a long kiss before darting out of the apartment...Feli had thrown on his clothes and washed his hands before Lovino could yell anything else.

"I'm sorry Lovi~ I didn't think you were going to be home."  
"This is your first time skipping I'm not mad. Just. Not at the apartment at least okay, damn. Do that shit at HIS house or something. Not fucking cool dumbass."

Lovino rubbed his head and went to the medicine cabinet for Tylonal.

"LOVI! WH-" Feliciano grabbed his already stinging arm (accidentally), "Why is your face bleeding?!"  
"W-Oh! Uh Yeah It's okay Feli I promise I just slammed my face on my locker slipping on water! Not a fucking big deal. Don't worry about it...okay? It's nothing. I promise."  
Lovino had that mini-panic attack...like always; It seemed once a week he was coming up with a new escuse.  
"Y-yeah. Okay." 

- The rest of the night they didn't speak. Lovi just spent the rest of his night jacking off until he couldn't breathe and getting wasted off the cheep beer and wines he got from the pedophile across the hall, meaning he had to fuck him that night too just for a bottle of Jack Daniels and $50 for cigarettes. No, he wasn't a prostitute he just really needed the money, and the bag of pills he didn't care to know what was in.  
Afterwards, like every night, he finished the marks that he had made in the bathroom.  
He watched all the kinky ass porn he owned (also from the guy across the hall).  
He broke the door to his closet.  
Smashed his windows, and tore his room apart.

But somehow he still wasn't high or drunk enough to forget that German.

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YES WHAT IS SAID BELOW IS VERY IMPORTANT AND IS RELEVANT PLEASE READ BEFORE LEAVING THIS PAGE!  
NOTE FROM US:

AJ: See you guys? I am very uncomfortable too. Hopefully this will all make since towards the end, and yes there is Spamano I promise I'm getting there so quit messaging ILAD mean stuff T_T T Thank You!

ILAD: Okay, so, this isn't my favourite chapter and we really just DON'T feel like finishing it RIGHT NOW! We will sooner or later, but I hope this chapter doesn't take away from the actual story.  
I am trying to make the chapter not seem so rushed, but we decided to write this 12AM-7:30AM right before school. So yes, we were sincerlly NOT thinking clearly.  
No Prussia isn't an asshole WE UNDERSTAND THAT...just. France is the most commonly used RAPIST (WHICH HE'S NOT) and Spain can't be used because he's the love interest (later anyway...)  
So I'd appreciate it if the negativity would be turned to a minimum I am trying my best to fix this story and turn into something great.

I Do Not Support Cutting.  
I am Not Promoting and SUICIDAL OR HARMFUL Suggestions  
The story is a STORY...with FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.  
If someone is going to take the story to an extreme then I suggest getting MEDICAL ATTENTION! Suicide Hot-Lines are out there for others to use.  
I sincerely hope that YOU DON'T HARM YOURSELF!

I have put WARNING TRIGGERS TO SELF HARMERS on certain areas where needed. My apologizes for the people that don't take that as enough.  
The story is FICTION. 

If you need someone to talk to then I am ALWAYS available.

Sincerely,  
ILovedADemon.


End file.
